I defended my dissertation five years ago.
I have been thinking about this update for a long time, because I finally feel like there is a happy ending to this story. When I was struggling to find any type of job, I felt like a failure. I would second guess myself about doing a postdoc (which I skipped thinking it wouldn't help me get my career started). Even when I started working, I had incredibly mixed feelings about my work. I started in an entry level role, writing for high school students. I was embarrassed when people would find out I had a PhD, and mostly wanted to pretend I was just starting from scratch- just ignore the interminable education that no one can make sense of. I was impatient to succeed, to make it somewhere, to find my place, and be able to contribute in some meaningful way.
Comparing myself to my peers wasn't ideal, but I realized that if I had stayed on the academic track, I would have spent another five years before I got my first real job as a real professor. I promised myself that when I was 5 years out, I would be in much better shape, and this would all seem like just a bump in the road. At the very least, by the 5 year mark I might be able to name my career path. But it took my a year (a YEAR of interning, volunteering, freelancing, networking, and hustling) to find my first job. That job was fun, but I was not convinced I was cut out to be a writer. I thought I had impostor syndrome as a scientist? Ha! I cant spell, I know nothing about grammar, and I am supposed to making a living writing? Mercifully, I fell in with some good mentors and role models. I put the nervous energy about my career towards absorbing everything I could about writing for education.
A year after I got that first job, my contract expired. I got a new 1 year contract. That grant ran out, too. I was enjoying the hell out of my free time, and I was consistently making more than I would be as a post-doc. Maybe this is what most people feel like, you handle/cope with/pass the time at work, and then have a rocking real life? But I was tired of wondering if I would ever hit my stride, get a chance to settle in somewhere and make an impact. I worked with a career counselor to be more strategic about my next job hunt. My goal was to land a job that would last more than a year, and might even play to my strengths. I networked, I volunteered, I was hustling.
And it paid off. All of it. The people I met at my first job had landed at new company that was growing their team, and was doing technical training. The team is brilliant, and they were willing to hire me on to learn how to do my job. I am not bad at what they hired me to do (develop eLearning), and I have a smashing time doing things they didn't hire me to do. Next month I am giving two talks - one at a local academic meeting of process chemists, and one at a data visualization meetup. I have two volunteer gigs I got through work helping education non-profits take advantage of their data. Its a wonderful marriage of both my education and my work experience. At 16 months, this is the longest I have ever worked in a professional job.
This job probably isn't as prestigious as being a professor, but its also not remotely as stressful as the tenure track or grant cycles. I get to learn about so many different things, and I haven't been bored since I started. My career has actually started, that I've developed relevant, employable skills that I enjoy using. Recently I have been giving informational interviews- people want to know how I got to where I am. Finally, after 5 years, that time feeling lost and anxious really does just looks like a bump in the road.
Showing posts with label curriculum development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label curriculum development. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Sunday, October 21, 2012
On feeling good about the job
As excited as I am to start my new job, I've had some mixed feelings about pursuing this route. Working as a curriculum writer in career education doesn't require the exacting touch of a molecular biologist, or a PhD. Like many people, I struggled with the idea that I might be "wasting" my education. For a long time I was looking for jobs in industry because I wanted to believe all those years of hard work would pay off in form that I could predict. But, the longer I looked, the more hurdles I put in my own way- I don't wanna be at the bench, I can't do sales or marketing, I'm over academia, I don't want to travel 50%... Whether or not I was aware of it, I was backing out of science. There is something like a mourning process when you give up on your dreams- and eventhough I can't say it was My Dream to become some big deal scientist, it was certainly the path that I'd been fixated on for so long.
This transition might have felt easier if I had any certainty about where I'd go instead. There were lots of options, but I was resistant to admit I was backing away from science, and equally unwilling to back away from science completely. Maybe I could find work at the science center? Or as a medical writer? Or something that would use my science in a way that I felt more comfortable with? Does such a job exist? And even though I had tons of misgivings about traditional careers in science, it was easy to be nitpicky about other careers as well. Work at a non-profit? The pay is terrible. However, I felt like I was living with the pressure of using this PhD, and I tried to let that go.
Over the spring, I recognized that I didn't have a hard time convincing people I should be able to write well. This was part of my internship, part of my dissertation, part of my contract work, and something I was enjoying. Fortunately or not, just being able to write doesn't paint a clear career path. Meanwhile I seemed to have a really hard time convincing anyone I would be a good scientist- there was always some technique or experience that I didn't have yet, like ADME or animals or even clinical trials. By this point, I felt desperate to work and figured I should reconcile myself to working outside of science. And contracting with this new client was going well. I like the work- thinking about teaching- an awful lot more than teaching itself. When I thought only about the job, I loved it, it felt like a great fit, but when I would think about keeping it for any period of time I felt guilty that I wasn't doing something in my field (whatever I believed that to be anymore). Eventually I decided I'd rather be someone who "failed to be a scientist" than someone who "failed to get a job, ever." I expect these feelings of guilt to pass. I'm good at my job, and not everyone can do this type of work, which does make me feel like I am using my education and experience.
Even as I felt better about this transition stick, I started to have more criticisms of any potential employer. Specifically, we create educational models for schools and teachers who can afford to buy them. Does this undermine the public school system? Does it really help teachers and students? Although I actually think we do more good than not, my client's work was in a flattering piece by Fox News, which certainly gave me pause. Is this work that I should do? This feeling surprised me a lot. Finding a career that I felt comfortable with was one thing, now I was feeling skittish about actually taking a job? After talking with some friends, I realized that there is usually some component of the work that seems.... not quite right. I know someone who selflessly works at a food bank that buys their supplies from Walmart since they have the cheapest prices. A physician charges people for medical care, just because they lost the health lottery. I rationalized that even if I were working to cure cancer, I'd eventually wonder about the ethical sourcing of my suppliers (all those plastics come from China), the footprint of my lab, or whether my work was taking money from other more promising projects. It's just the reality of the working world. Like I said, I really do think that this type of work provides support for rather than undermining public schools. Working with start-ups, I realized I preferred the honesty of admitting that "we have to make money to stay afloat" compared to the nebulous assessments that result in success for grant funded operations.
Really, for me the emotional journey had three major hurdles: the idea that I needed an Important Job because of the PhD, the idea that the PhD was a waste if I wasn't in science, and the idea that I needed to work (as a saint) for saints. Getting over that has helped me find a job a like in a field that interests me. I'm not using my "science" persay, but I got the job in part because I can learn and write very quickly. The PhD wasn't a waste, and I expect in the long-run may allow me more upward mobility.
This transition might have felt easier if I had any certainty about where I'd go instead. There were lots of options, but I was resistant to admit I was backing away from science, and equally unwilling to back away from science completely. Maybe I could find work at the science center? Or as a medical writer? Or something that would use my science in a way that I felt more comfortable with? Does such a job exist? And even though I had tons of misgivings about traditional careers in science, it was easy to be nitpicky about other careers as well. Work at a non-profit? The pay is terrible. However, I felt like I was living with the pressure of using this PhD, and I tried to let that go.
Over the spring, I recognized that I didn't have a hard time convincing people I should be able to write well. This was part of my internship, part of my dissertation, part of my contract work, and something I was enjoying. Fortunately or not, just being able to write doesn't paint a clear career path. Meanwhile I seemed to have a really hard time convincing anyone I would be a good scientist- there was always some technique or experience that I didn't have yet, like ADME or animals or even clinical trials. By this point, I felt desperate to work and figured I should reconcile myself to working outside of science. And contracting with this new client was going well. I like the work- thinking about teaching- an awful lot more than teaching itself. When I thought only about the job, I loved it, it felt like a great fit, but when I would think about keeping it for any period of time I felt guilty that I wasn't doing something in my field (whatever I believed that to be anymore). Eventually I decided I'd rather be someone who "failed to be a scientist" than someone who "failed to get a job, ever." I expect these feelings of guilt to pass. I'm good at my job, and not everyone can do this type of work, which does make me feel like I am using my education and experience.
Even as I felt better about this transition stick, I started to have more criticisms of any potential employer. Specifically, we create educational models for schools and teachers who can afford to buy them. Does this undermine the public school system? Does it really help teachers and students? Although I actually think we do more good than not, my client's work was in a flattering piece by Fox News, which certainly gave me pause. Is this work that I should do? This feeling surprised me a lot. Finding a career that I felt comfortable with was one thing, now I was feeling skittish about actually taking a job? After talking with some friends, I realized that there is usually some component of the work that seems.... not quite right. I know someone who selflessly works at a food bank that buys their supplies from Walmart since they have the cheapest prices. A physician charges people for medical care, just because they lost the health lottery. I rationalized that even if I were working to cure cancer, I'd eventually wonder about the ethical sourcing of my suppliers (all those plastics come from China), the footprint of my lab, or whether my work was taking money from other more promising projects. It's just the reality of the working world. Like I said, I really do think that this type of work provides support for rather than undermining public schools. Working with start-ups, I realized I preferred the honesty of admitting that "we have to make money to stay afloat" compared to the nebulous assessments that result in success for grant funded operations.
Really, for me the emotional journey had three major hurdles: the idea that I needed an Important Job because of the PhD, the idea that the PhD was a waste if I wasn't in science, and the idea that I needed to work (as a saint) for saints. Getting over that has helped me find a job a like in a field that interests me. I'm not using my "science" persay, but I got the job in part because I can learn and write very quickly. The PhD wasn't a waste, and I expect in the long-run may allow me more upward mobility.
Monday, October 15, 2012
I got a job!
I've been waiting to write this blog post for longer than I've been blogging here. It's a pretty big day! I accepted my offer letter and am officially going to be a curriculum writer with one of my favorite clients!
I've got lots of reasons to feel good about this (it's a job!), but I wanted to walk back through some of the key choices and experiences that helped me actually get into a position to take a job I'd never hear of in an industry that didn't exist when I entered school (Lo', those many years ago...).
I struggled a lot with the idea of really moving into a field that is very distant from my previous work. The job (write a HS curriculum about vocational programs) is certainly not something I need a PhD to do, or a background in virology. I'll write more about that struggle later, but there were some things I did in grad school that did help me get this job. And not just the "hard work and transferable skills" stuff. I designed a course for undergrads that I taught one semester. I enjoyed designing the course, but was petrified as an instructor. That made me think I didn't want to get into education (one reason I hesitated to pursue this). I also wrote a lot, and made an effort to develop that as a skill. This was mostly just a couple manuscripts and a dissertation, but while I had colleagues who would rather die of papercuts that put words to paper, I enjoyed the process. (Although I did totally hate parts of it too). I hated revisions, so this made me think I was too sensitive to let writign be my primary skill. By the time I left grad school, I knew I didn't want to be at the bench forever, and I was scared to teach or write. Nifty.
The day I stopped working I started volunteering at the Carnegie Science Center. I believed that I probably had some workplace competencies that etc.) my adviser would not be able to speak to (showing up to work on time, dressing appropriately, and I wanted some structure in my long, tedious days of job hunting. This transformed into a much more responsible position that I had been able to predict, and I was able to (among other things), write and execute scalable demos (for 1-many students, and for all ages). I did handle a small budget and some other project management skills, but developing demos was the key.
I made a HUGE effort to build up my LinkedIn profile. I did everything anyone suggested there, including improving my profile to include all my skills and experience, not just my science background, and joined tons of groups. One group I joined (Possibly a subgroup of Science Jobs- the Freelance group), someone asked for help writing some science lessons. It didn't sound like anything I'd done before, but I wrote some letter with hubris that said I've got a PhD, I worked at the science center, I can totally smash you lessons. This lead me to my first client, Words & Numbers. Work there was sporadic, and after having tried plenty of other routes, I realized I had months of experience in this field (curriculum development), and there seemed to be a lot of off site opportunities. While I was trying to amass more clients, I ran across an ad for a local company in this industry and applied- again with a letter I thought was ridiculous. I've often that that I should amend this entry to say that as crazy as I thought the letter was, it was read, and I got the job- well, not the job I applied for but I was able to quit working at the bank to take on writing full time.
After working with them for several months, telling everyone there how much I enjoyed it and how interested I was in more work (and several contract renewals), I decided to take matters into my own hands and told the guy who hired me I was looking to apply to another job at the company. This prompted a discussion about how I could continue to work with his team in a more permanent basis that VERY SLOWLY (I sent that first email in August) turned into a full time job offer. Tada!
Obviously, I couldn't have predicted this combination of things, and a lot of the other stuff I was doing prepared me to respond well to what turned out to be the key opportunities. A few things turned out to be help for me. I never got good at 'leveraging contacts' to open doors to invisible job opportunities. I did met loads of folks who gladly shared information about their careers, but I decided that the easiest way to impress someone was by doing the job- that's why I volunteered and took contracts. And that did give me a chance to impress the people who gave me my job. And of course, I work for a company that makes online curricula for credit recovery and educational development. 5 years ago the publishing industry wasn't prepared for ebooks, and now there are any number of companies making mixed media learning tools. It's just not a job I could have gotten prepared for by any traditional route.
I promise at least one more write up on the internal components of getting and taking this job as well.
I've got lots of reasons to feel good about this (it's a job!), but I wanted to walk back through some of the key choices and experiences that helped me actually get into a position to take a job I'd never hear of in an industry that didn't exist when I entered school (Lo', those many years ago...).
I struggled a lot with the idea of really moving into a field that is very distant from my previous work. The job (write a HS curriculum about vocational programs) is certainly not something I need a PhD to do, or a background in virology. I'll write more about that struggle later, but there were some things I did in grad school that did help me get this job. And not just the "hard work and transferable skills" stuff. I designed a course for undergrads that I taught one semester. I enjoyed designing the course, but was petrified as an instructor. That made me think I didn't want to get into education (one reason I hesitated to pursue this). I also wrote a lot, and made an effort to develop that as a skill. This was mostly just a couple manuscripts and a dissertation, but while I had colleagues who would rather die of papercuts that put words to paper, I enjoyed the process. (Although I did totally hate parts of it too). I hated revisions, so this made me think I was too sensitive to let writign be my primary skill. By the time I left grad school, I knew I didn't want to be at the bench forever, and I was scared to teach or write. Nifty.
The day I stopped working I started volunteering at the Carnegie Science Center. I believed that I probably had some workplace competencies that etc.) my adviser would not be able to speak to (showing up to work on time, dressing appropriately, and I wanted some structure in my long, tedious days of job hunting. This transformed into a much more responsible position that I had been able to predict, and I was able to (among other things), write and execute scalable demos (for 1-many students, and for all ages). I did handle a small budget and some other project management skills, but developing demos was the key.
I made a HUGE effort to build up my LinkedIn profile. I did everything anyone suggested there, including improving my profile to include all my skills and experience, not just my science background, and joined tons of groups. One group I joined (Possibly a subgroup of Science Jobs- the Freelance group), someone asked for help writing some science lessons. It didn't sound like anything I'd done before, but I wrote some letter with hubris that said I've got a PhD, I worked at the science center, I can totally smash you lessons. This lead me to my first client, Words & Numbers. Work there was sporadic, and after having tried plenty of other routes, I realized I had months of experience in this field (curriculum development), and there seemed to be a lot of off site opportunities. While I was trying to amass more clients, I ran across an ad for a local company in this industry and applied- again with a letter I thought was ridiculous. I've often that that I should amend this entry to say that as crazy as I thought the letter was, it was read, and I got the job- well, not the job I applied for but I was able to quit working at the bank to take on writing full time.
After working with them for several months, telling everyone there how much I enjoyed it and how interested I was in more work (and several contract renewals), I decided to take matters into my own hands and told the guy who hired me I was looking to apply to another job at the company. This prompted a discussion about how I could continue to work with his team in a more permanent basis that VERY SLOWLY (I sent that first email in August) turned into a full time job offer. Tada!
Obviously, I couldn't have predicted this combination of things, and a lot of the other stuff I was doing prepared me to respond well to what turned out to be the key opportunities. A few things turned out to be help for me. I never got good at 'leveraging contacts' to open doors to invisible job opportunities. I did met loads of folks who gladly shared information about their careers, but I decided that the easiest way to impress someone was by doing the job- that's why I volunteered and took contracts. And that did give me a chance to impress the people who gave me my job. And of course, I work for a company that makes online curricula for credit recovery and educational development. 5 years ago the publishing industry wasn't prepared for ebooks, and now there are any number of companies making mixed media learning tools. It's just not a job I could have gotten prepared for by any traditional route.
I promise at least one more write up on the internal components of getting and taking this job as well.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Better, cheaper, faster, easier
In my internship at the C4C, part of my job was to help innovators determine if thier idea would be better, cheaper, faster or easier than the current standards. If you can be one (or all) of those things, you've got a shot at success- or a market advantage. (If you have none of these things- go back to the drawing board.) This type of assessment is something I'd like to bring to my job hunt.
I was discussing careers with a friend from graduate school, who was describing her resistance to taking on the PI path. It's no surprise that it's a hard job, with responsibilities that not everyone wants to be good at (grant writing, mentorship, teaching and lab administration pop into mind). But the people who are successful at it enjoy those aspects, or don't find them as miserable as I might. Or they find it worth it for the exciting and fun parts (assay design, designing projects, pursuing interesting scientific questions). My friend said, "I'm not going to be better than my old boss at the fun and exciting stuff, and the hard parts won't be any easier for me." I'm not going to be better at it, and it won't be easier for me.
This got me thinking about what I am doing right now. I'm not sure it's my dream job, but curriculum development and instructional design are pretty easy for me. I came from a standards based education that was very participatory, so assessing objectives and meeting educational standards isn't a struggle. And I seem to be decent enough at it that I'm fairly busy with it for the moment. I don't know that I am better that anyone at it, but I don't find the work emotionally hard (unlike, say, developing a blank Western at 6pm on a Friday), which leaves me a lot of energy to put into my real life.
It might not be my dream job, but if a market advantage can score me a stable paycheck, maybe that is good enough.
I was discussing careers with a friend from graduate school, who was describing her resistance to taking on the PI path. It's no surprise that it's a hard job, with responsibilities that not everyone wants to be good at (grant writing, mentorship, teaching and lab administration pop into mind). But the people who are successful at it enjoy those aspects, or don't find them as miserable as I might. Or they find it worth it for the exciting and fun parts (assay design, designing projects, pursuing interesting scientific questions). My friend said, "I'm not going to be better than my old boss at the fun and exciting stuff, and the hard parts won't be any easier for me." I'm not going to be better at it, and it won't be easier for me.
This got me thinking about what I am doing right now. I'm not sure it's my dream job, but curriculum development and instructional design are pretty easy for me. I came from a standards based education that was very participatory, so assessing objectives and meeting educational standards isn't a struggle. And I seem to be decent enough at it that I'm fairly busy with it for the moment. I don't know that I am better that anyone at it, but I don't find the work emotionally hard (unlike, say, developing a blank Western at 6pm on a Friday), which leaves me a lot of energy to put into my real life.
It might not be my dream job, but if a market advantage can score me a stable paycheck, maybe that is good enough.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Do contractors ever get hired?
I am currently working on a contract in instructional design. I write lessons for high schoolers and edit exam questions. This is really fun; I get to learn about lots of different things, and it is a great way to get back to my early education that was standards based. It's been going really well, outside of the usual contract drama (if I finish this today, can I still earn money tomorrow?). I like the team, I like the work, and I like that they are located in Seattle.
I've heard mixed messages about transitioning from a contractor to a full-time employee. On the one hand, being a contractor may indicate the work is unpredictable and unlikely to require a full-time person. And working offsite makes it hard for employers to form a full impression of you. At the same time, I'm objectively assessed on my work habits- that's the only thing they know about me. And having a known entity come on board is less scary that seeing what you get from a job posting. I've been thinking about how I could make this experience more stable for me- either by having some confidence in more long term contracts or getting hired.
My plan is to keep being as awesome as possible, staying in touch and reiterating how much I like the job. And then to be clear about my intentions: I want a full-time job. That's actually proving to be hard to drop casually into emails (again, the off-site conundrum. These things don't just "come-up" around the water cooler). But they need some onsite work soon, so that may prove a better time to have those conversations (and figure out who to have them with).
I've heard mixed messages about transitioning from a contractor to a full-time employee. On the one hand, being a contractor may indicate the work is unpredictable and unlikely to require a full-time person. And working offsite makes it hard for employers to form a full impression of you. At the same time, I'm objectively assessed on my work habits- that's the only thing they know about me. And having a known entity come on board is less scary that seeing what you get from a job posting. I've been thinking about how I could make this experience more stable for me- either by having some confidence in more long term contracts or getting hired.
My plan is to keep being as awesome as possible, staying in touch and reiterating how much I like the job. And then to be clear about my intentions: I want a full-time job. That's actually proving to be hard to drop casually into emails (again, the off-site conundrum. These things don't just "come-up" around the water cooler). But they need some onsite work soon, so that may prove a better time to have those conversations (and figure out who to have them with).
Friday, June 29, 2012
Vignettes from my semi professional life
Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive after my last post, it really means a lot. It can be a little hard to explain the ups and downs of my life as a job hunter/contractor. I do still feel quite lost, but I am trying to enjoy the journey. Today felt like one of those significant days on the journey. I'm not sure how to respond to any of it, so I will just throw it out there.
Some things that happened today:
I woke up early to finish part of a writing contract. Have I mentioned I am really digging my current instructional design contract? I promise to write more on that later, but yeah, it's going really well.
I was at the Hutch to interview a scientist about her job in academic administration. Very cool job, and she is a very interesting lady. I will be writing that up for the Seattle AWIS newsletter- I promise to link to that later.
While entering the Hutch, I was passed by a professorially looking type. While I was filling out the visitor info, I noticed he approached a group of people centered around a young woman who was OmiGushing that she was soexcited, and sohappy, and so couldn't believe this was happening. I figured she must have defended or something. I wasn't paying too much attention until one of the photographers turned and said, "We'd love to get a picture of the two of you by your Nobel Prize." Why hello, Dr. Hartwell.
After the interview, I agreed to meet a contact for lunch in South Lake Union- this is the part of Seattle where most of the biotech and research institutes are centered, and it sits right on the lake. I was stunned to find myself sitting in a much too nice restaurant overlooking a marina and watching the float planes. This was a "what am I doing here?" moment. Turns out, this guy wanted my advice (MY advice) on this STEM program he is thinking about, and how it should be developed and what are the needs there. And he bought me that fancy lunch for the privilege of my opinion. Someone was schmoozing me!
I'm submitting an invoice for the most money I have ever made in a single two week period in my entire life. That's right, my time and effort are valuable.
As I said, it feels like a lot has happened. I learned about a whole new avenue for careers, I've decided I'm actually really loving my current line of work, I miss being starstruck by famous nerds, and somehow, despite spending all week at home in my PJs, people find my opinions and my work valuable. Huh.
Some things that happened today:
I woke up early to finish part of a writing contract. Have I mentioned I am really digging my current instructional design contract? I promise to write more on that later, but yeah, it's going really well.
I was at the Hutch to interview a scientist about her job in academic administration. Very cool job, and she is a very interesting lady. I will be writing that up for the Seattle AWIS newsletter- I promise to link to that later.
While entering the Hutch, I was passed by a professorially looking type. While I was filling out the visitor info, I noticed he approached a group of people centered around a young woman who was OmiGushing that she was soexcited, and sohappy, and so couldn't believe this was happening. I figured she must have defended or something. I wasn't paying too much attention until one of the photographers turned and said, "We'd love to get a picture of the two of you by your Nobel Prize." Why hello, Dr. Hartwell.
After the interview, I agreed to meet a contact for lunch in South Lake Union- this is the part of Seattle where most of the biotech and research institutes are centered, and it sits right on the lake. I was stunned to find myself sitting in a much too nice restaurant overlooking a marina and watching the float planes. This was a "what am I doing here?" moment. Turns out, this guy wanted my advice (MY advice) on this STEM program he is thinking about, and how it should be developed and what are the needs there. And he bought me that fancy lunch for the privilege of my opinion. Someone was schmoozing me!
I'm submitting an invoice for the most money I have ever made in a single two week period in my entire life. That's right, my time and effort are valuable.
As I said, it feels like a lot has happened. I learned about a whole new avenue for careers, I've decided I'm actually really loving my current line of work, I miss being starstruck by famous nerds, and somehow, despite spending all week at home in my PJs, people find my opinions and my work valuable. Huh.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Transition story
I have been thinking quite a bit about my transition story, especially in the context of story telling. As a blogger, I can tell stories as long and convoluted as I like, but as a job hunter I need to get this baby tamed into one tweet. So I got to thinking about stories and how they are told. Following a comment from the previous transition post, I did a little research on the basic elements of a story. A story has a character- usually a protagonist, and a challenge. A good story has a beginning a middle and an end. And for a short story, that is probably all I can get in there.
At the start of my story was me, before I started graduate school. I can go back and read my admission essay (gawdawful) and senior seminar writing assignments to remember what I was thinking about then. What I wanted then was rather vaguely to "help people" and "change the world." I went to graduate school because I knew that science provides the tools to that, and because I thought that I could explore what I meant by "change the world." I never really WANTED to be a professor, but at the time, the idea of getting dragged into academia seemed inevitable and not that bad. Unlike 4 years at a liberal arts college, graduate school is not meant to be a journey of self discovery, so I never really got to the bottom of that question.
But, I did learn several things about myself that lead me to believe I am not well suited for academia or a bench position. I'm very much a big picture person. I need to finish things, by which I mean I like short time frames and dynamic content. I like working with a team. I enjoy writing. I'm not ready for the responsibility of being in charge of other people. Grant funding scares me. I am happiest when I am working on several different things- like assays for two different stories, running a journal club and creating career workshops for grad students. I get bored easily. When my experiments don't work, I feel like a terrible human being. In the context of my story, all this needs to get distilled down into something more pointed that leads me in a new direction.
And this is the part of the story I am struggling with. In my perfect transition story, I would know where the story ends. You know, "I went to graduate school because I thought that was the best way to cure cancer, but I have a bigger impact on how people with cancer are treated as an FDA regulator." Or "Graduate school appealed to me because I thought I could have an impact on people's lives, but I found that teaching had a more direct and fulfilling impact." The story I was using for a while was "I wanted to go to graduate school because science solves complex problems. Some of the most complex problems we have right now are in policy, and I think I can bring science to bear on those problems." This story oversimplified my interest in living in the same time zone as my family, and the challenge of a two-body problem. While most of the story has slipped away, I now tell people that "I moved to Seattle over the winter, and I am committed to finding a way to make my career here." That's not where my story ends, but it is where I got stuck telling it.
My view of my own career has taken a lot of collateral damage over the last year- I just don't believe that I am going to find a track to jump on and find smooth sailing until retirement. I also don't believe that what I do next is going to be tied to what I was doing before. For better or worse, this means I expect to pick a story, see where it gets me, and maybe write a new one in a couple more years. I'm not quite ready to decide where my story is today, but I am closing in on a version that might look something like this.
At the start of my story was me, before I started graduate school. I can go back and read my admission essay (gawdawful) and senior seminar writing assignments to remember what I was thinking about then. What I wanted then was rather vaguely to "help people" and "change the world." I went to graduate school because I knew that science provides the tools to that, and because I thought that I could explore what I meant by "change the world." I never really WANTED to be a professor, but at the time, the idea of getting dragged into academia seemed inevitable and not that bad. Unlike 4 years at a liberal arts college, graduate school is not meant to be a journey of self discovery, so I never really got to the bottom of that question.
But, I did learn several things about myself that lead me to believe I am not well suited for academia or a bench position. I'm very much a big picture person. I need to finish things, by which I mean I like short time frames and dynamic content. I like working with a team. I enjoy writing. I'm not ready for the responsibility of being in charge of other people. Grant funding scares me. I am happiest when I am working on several different things- like assays for two different stories, running a journal club and creating career workshops for grad students. I get bored easily. When my experiments don't work, I feel like a terrible human being. In the context of my story, all this needs to get distilled down into something more pointed that leads me in a new direction.
And this is the part of the story I am struggling with. In my perfect transition story, I would know where the story ends. You know, "I went to graduate school because I thought that was the best way to cure cancer, but I have a bigger impact on how people with cancer are treated as an FDA regulator." Or "Graduate school appealed to me because I thought I could have an impact on people's lives, but I found that teaching had a more direct and fulfilling impact." The story I was using for a while was "I wanted to go to graduate school because science solves complex problems. Some of the most complex problems we have right now are in policy, and I think I can bring science to bear on those problems." This story oversimplified my interest in living in the same time zone as my family, and the challenge of a two-body problem. While most of the story has slipped away, I now tell people that "I moved to Seattle over the winter, and I am committed to finding a way to make my career here." That's not where my story ends, but it is where I got stuck telling it.
My view of my own career has taken a lot of collateral damage over the last year- I just don't believe that I am going to find a track to jump on and find smooth sailing until retirement. I also don't believe that what I do next is going to be tied to what I was doing before. For better or worse, this means I expect to pick a story, see where it gets me, and maybe write a new one in a couple more years. I'm not quite ready to decide where my story is today, but I am closing in on a version that might look something like this.
I went to graduate school because I have always thought deeply about my own education. Rather than teaching in just one classroom, I want to bring the same kind of passion that propelled me to be a successful student of science to a wide range of students, which I why I am an instructional designer.Thoughts?
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
New Contract and a Leave of Absence
Some interesting opportunities have opened up, and I want to document some of the choices I've made and why. In another fit of "Maybe I'll just apply for some OTHER crazy job!" I put my hat in the ring for a position as a developmental editor with a curriculum development company in Seattle. Remember, I wrote a ridiculous letter and put in for a position that a hundred people had already applied for? Well, I got a call back the next day (Ha!).
The call was from the director who confessed that he was too swamped to hire a developmental editor because they were behind on writing. It's a growing company with some very interesting projects, and the just need some extra hands right now. Would I be willing to take on a writing contract?
My feeling on writing contracts is that they are a good way to make money, but not really a career. When you work off-site, you don't hear about things like new openings, or extra work or other things that would make it easier to advance your position. They are a growing company, but will I get a chance to grow with them? And frankly, I find working off-site boring. I miss having awesome coworkers. That being said, I've also come to realize that contract work is what is developing my CV these days, and frankly I do like the work. And the money.
So I agreed to take on a 5 week writing contract. But it sounds like a 40 hour/week position. (Oh, and I'll be paid hourly, unlike my work with Words and Numbers where I bill per task). I consider contract work one of 3 jobs I juggle currently, and so I knew I'd need to push back on the other two. I notified my internship I was going to be away, and that I am planning to send them a status update this week. The scary conversation was to tell the bank I was going to need some time. I'm just a teller, so I didn't figure they would be interested in making concessions for me- but for a 5 week contract, it seems stupid to walk away from a steady pay-check.
I thought a lot about how to have this conversation- I knew I needed to ask for something, so I tried to ask in a way that made them feel like they were generous to offer (not that they OWED me this- Here's to negotiation training!). And I also tried to be really clear about what was already decided, and what wasn't. I have accepted a contract. It is a great opportunity for me. It will take up all my time. I don't want to leave you guys in the lurch, and I am not sure how to do that best. To his credit, my manager was very excited for me, and was able to give me everything I need to make this work. I'll be at the bank for 2 more weeks, and then I am going on a leave of absence. In August, I'll get back in touch and get my old position back. I may be at a different branch when I come back, but I shouldn't have to reapply for my job. I'm glad that I asked for that, because it makes taking this contract much less intimidating- as I said, it's a contract, not a career.
The call was from the director who confessed that he was too swamped to hire a developmental editor because they were behind on writing. It's a growing company with some very interesting projects, and the just need some extra hands right now. Would I be willing to take on a writing contract?
My feeling on writing contracts is that they are a good way to make money, but not really a career. When you work off-site, you don't hear about things like new openings, or extra work or other things that would make it easier to advance your position. They are a growing company, but will I get a chance to grow with them? And frankly, I find working off-site boring. I miss having awesome coworkers. That being said, I've also come to realize that contract work is what is developing my CV these days, and frankly I do like the work. And the money.
So I agreed to take on a 5 week writing contract. But it sounds like a 40 hour/week position. (Oh, and I'll be paid hourly, unlike my work with Words and Numbers where I bill per task). I consider contract work one of 3 jobs I juggle currently, and so I knew I'd need to push back on the other two. I notified my internship I was going to be away, and that I am planning to send them a status update this week. The scary conversation was to tell the bank I was going to need some time. I'm just a teller, so I didn't figure they would be interested in making concessions for me- but for a 5 week contract, it seems stupid to walk away from a steady pay-check.
I thought a lot about how to have this conversation- I knew I needed to ask for something, so I tried to ask in a way that made them feel like they were generous to offer (not that they OWED me this- Here's to negotiation training!). And I also tried to be really clear about what was already decided, and what wasn't. I have accepted a contract. It is a great opportunity for me. It will take up all my time. I don't want to leave you guys in the lurch, and I am not sure how to do that best. To his credit, my manager was very excited for me, and was able to give me everything I need to make this work. I'll be at the bank for 2 more weeks, and then I am going on a leave of absence. In August, I'll get back in touch and get my old position back. I may be at a different branch when I come back, but I shouldn't have to reapply for my job. I'm glad that I asked for that, because it makes taking this contract much less intimidating- as I said, it's a contract, not a career.
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